


Save Yourself

by paranoid_parallax



Series: vld vent fics [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Friendship, Gaslighting, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lotor (Voltron)-centric, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Injuries, Mommy Issues, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Coercion, Verbal Abuse, Victim Blaming, a random oc because I couldn't think of a good character to use tbh, this is probably very bad I just have to express my stupid feelings somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21777334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax
Summary: Lotor loves his girlfriend, no matter how she treats him. Even he has to admit things haven't exactly been great between them lately, but he doesn't expect it to escalate as far as it does... still, he doesn't want to leave someone he cares so much about.When his best friends find out, they help him find the strength to get out of the relationship and start to heal.
Relationships: Acxa & Ezor & Lotor & Narti & Zethrid (Voltron), Ezor/Zethrid (Voltron), Lotor (Voltron)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: vld vent fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567141
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Lotor knew he owed a lot to Izzy.

Sixteen months of her putting up with him. Sixteen months at the side of a woman who was kind, beautiful, funny, intelligent, fun to spend time with, and amazing all around. Sixteen months of affection he knew he didn’t deserve. She’d seen him at his worst and picked him back up again. She hadn’t left. She’d _cared_. They’d moved in together about eight months ago, and Lotor knew it was the right decision.

Still, selfishly, he sometimes wished she wouldn’t yell at him quite so often.

He knew it was his fault for screwing up constantly, for being annoying, being stupid, being embarrassing. It still hurt.

But that was on him. Of course.

——————————

It was just a normal day, or so he thought. When he got home, it turned out Izzy was having one of her “I’m in a very bad mood but you have to guess why” days.

_Shit._

She had cooked dinner, which probably meant she needed to show him he owed her. Cooking usually meant she was angry, and the more elaborate the meal, the angrier she was.

Lotor tried repeatedly to ask her what was wrong, but she refused to give any reply other than “Nothing,” despite the obvious evidence to the contrary. She barely spoke to him during dinner, and he must have thanked her for making it a million times. He really was grateful; he only wished she was in a better mood. The familiar sense of dread, of “what did I do wrong this time” that had followed him from childhood crept back in with an air of familiarity— if it had ever even really left.

He kept trying to coax an answer out of her as to why she was upset, and when that failed, to make the situation better— but as usual, she didn’t want him to try to fix things, she wanted to be angry.

Eventually, she got too annoyed with his concern, and the inevitable fight started.

——————————

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?” Izzy was crying.

_“I’ve had to deal with all this on my own. Addiction, your father, raising you… I almost died. More than once. Is that what you want?”_

_“No! Of course not! Mom, I’m sorry—”_

“I don’t think you are.”

How could he be sorry when he didn't even know what he'd done? “I am! I swear! I won’t do this again. I promise. How can I make it up to you? It wasn’t because of you at all, I’ve just had a stressful day, not that it’s any excuse of course, I just don’t want you to think that I…” Lotor kept rambling. He knew the drill by now— keep talking, keep groveling until he hit on something that would work to salvage the evening.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Settling on the couch, she crossed her arms, not looking at him.

“Izzy, please. I’m so sorry—”

_“I said go to your room. I can’t deal with you today.”_

_“Mom, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I—”_

“Stop saying you’re sorry and start showing it.”

“I will! Please just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

_“You know what you’re doing.”_

_“Mom, I don’t, I swear! Whatever it is, I’m sorry—”_

_“Oh, so you think I’m crazy, is that it?”_

“Iz, I’m not calling you crazy! I just want to know what I did wrong.”

“Fuck off. I said leave me alone.”

Frustration got the better of him, overriding his survival instincts. “Maybe if you would just talk to me for once instead of doing _this_ , we wouldn’t have these problems!” he snapped. “Seriously, this would drive anyone out of their mind.”

 _“Oh,_ everyone _hates when I do this, huh?” Honerva repeated in a mocking voice. “And you’d know that how?” She forced a laugh without any humor, glaring at him. “God, I’m so sick of this shit. You just think you can do whatever you want, don’t ever think of anyone else. I do everything for you and I get nothing in return.”_

“Izzy, I’m not being selfish, it’s fucking true. You’re being ridiculous— stop acting like a child.”

She froze for a moment, the he did second later as he realized what he’d said. Izzy was glaring at him, angry as he’d ever seen her.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to— I didn’t mean it like _that_ —”

“You sound just like him!” She got to her feet, looking furious.

“Well, you sound just like _her_!” he shot back.

“Like _who_?”

“Not important, I’m sorry.” A mistake— he should’ve kept his mouth shut.

“That’s right. Clearly, this _isn’t_ important to you. Nothing is important to you but yourself! You treat me like shit and then expect me to feel sorry for _you_?!”

“I don’t! What the fuck did I even do?!”

“You know what you just said! God, I mean, I know you can’t remember anything important, but I didn’t think you were _that_ fucking stupid!”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, I didn’t mean to—”

“You _never_ mean to, do you? But you always do things to hurt me.”

“So it’s only wrong when _I_ do it?! Every time I tell you something’s triggering for me, you tell me to stop being sensitive and you keep doing it! But sure, one slip of the tongue and I’m the worst person alive, right?”

“It’s not just that!”

“Well, obviously! But you won’t tell me what the hell else I apparently did, so I can’t really do anything about it, can I?”

“It’s not just today! This is a _pattern_!”

“I’m sorry.” The indignant anger had mostly faded, and he felt like crying. “Please, Izzy. Can we just put this behind us? I love you so much.”

“Sure doesn’t feel like it.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you love me either.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew it was the worst thing he could have said.

Only the lightning reflexes he’d had to develop growing up with Zarkon and Honerva saved him from the drinking glass flying at his head. It shattered against the wall where he’d been standing a second ago, and a shard hit him in the face.

“Are you serious?” Izzy had started to cry again. “And don’t think you’re going to make me clean that up. I’m not your fucking maid just because you don’t know how to take care of yourself.”

Lotor wanted to say that wasn’t fair, that he’d been doing his share of the housework— often more than half, if they were honest— ever since he’d recovered from his severe depression a few months ago. When he’d been struggling, she’d never begrudged him any of his relative helplessness, but she’d clearly saved a grudge to throw back at him later.

He should’ve learned from his parents that kindness was never free. But she’d seemed so different once. He hadn’t expected her to end up playing by their confusing labyrinth of unknown and ever-shifting rules.

“What was I supposed to do, just let you hit me in the head?!”

“I don’t know… maybe _anything_ that doesn’t end up with broken glass all over the living room?”

 _You threw it,_ he wanted to say, but he knew better by now. “I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up.”

“You better.”

“I’m really sorry, Izzy.”

“Whatever. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Okay.”

 _“Okay?”_ she repeated incredulously. “Oh, so you don’t even care?! Wow. That’s really nice. You know what? Fine, you can sleep outside for all I care. Or go over to one of those sluts’ houses. I should’ve figured you would—”

“What? Who are you even talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb. Axa or whatever her name is. Or Lora.”

“You mean Acxa and Allura?”

“Don’t correct me.”

Something finally clicked. “Is _that_ what this whole thing is about?”

“I see how you text her. I’ve seen your photos together. You sure _look_ like a couple.”

Lotor’s blood ran cold at the knowledge that she had been through his phone. Privacy invasion was by no means an unfamiliar threat to him, so he’d kept all his passcodes secret until she guilted him into telling her. _Don’t get angry. Don’t make it worse._ “Izzy, Acxa’s been my best friend for longer than we’ve been dating. You’ve known her as my friend this whole time, there’s nothing more to it—”

“Wow. Honestly, fuck you. So you admit that she’s closer to you than I am, huh?”

“That’s not what I meant! I meant you have nothing to worry about because we’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends for longer than you and I have been together.”

“Will you stop twisting every goddamn thing I say?!”

“Don’t fucking yell at me!” Izzy shoved him, and he stumbled backward in surprise, one foot landing in the broken glass.

“Ow! Shit!” Lotor jumped back in shock, pulling his stinging foot away from the glass and accidentally falling to the ground in his haste to move away from it.

There was a moment of awkward, tense silence.

Izzy sobbed loudly. “Why does this always happen? Why can’t we ever just be happy?”

“I’m sorry,” he managed half-heartedly, voice shaking. He’d never expected her to hurt him physically. Of course, it had only been an accident— he was just startled, that was all. It wasn’t her fault.

“I’m a horrible person, right? That’s what you think?”

“No! Izzy, please. No. You’re wonderful. I love you.”

“I want to die. I can’t take this shit anymore.” Still sobbing, she headed for the door to the kitchen.

 _Knives. Is that what she’s going for?_ Lotor’s heart nearly stopped as he scrambled to his feet and ran after her, ignoring the glass pushing deeper into his bleeding foot. “Izzy, no!”He caught her by the arm.

“Let go of me right the fuck now!”

“I’m not letting you hurt yourself.”

“I’ll call the police. Let go of me.” He dropped her arm reluctantly, moving between her and the knife holder instead.

“Don’t block me! Stop trying to intimidate me!”

“I just don’t want you to die! Please!” Tears were blurring his vision at this point. This was all his fault, and he had to fix it before something unthinkable happened.

There was a knock at the door.

Both of them shared the same _oh, shit_ expression for a brief moment.

“I can’t answer the door like this,” Izzy said. “I look like shit.”

“I’ll get it if you promise not to kill yourself. Please. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I know I don’t deserve you, but—”

She sighed, deflated, vitriol fading fast. “Just get the door.”

“Promise?”

“Just. Get. The _door_.”

“Okay.” Numb, entire body trembling, he made his way to the front door and opened it to reveal two of their neighbors.

“Hi,” he managed sheepishly. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Is everything all right in there?”

“Yeah, we’re fine! Sorry for the noise, we’ve been, uh…” Should he blame it on the TV? On practice for some kind of acting project? Kinky shit, some kind of extreme role-play thing? How much had the neighbors even heard? The effectiveness of any particular lie would depend on that.

Lotor noticed them looking at his glass-laden foot and face and realized none of those excuses would be very plausible at this point, and looking like a liar might prompt them to call the cops. They already looked suspicious of him.

“Yeah, sorry again!” he said with a lighthearted tone he didn’t feel. He felt hollow. “Sorry, lost my train of thought there for a sec, it’s been a long day— but we’ve just been trying to redo the kitchen and we dropped a few things, had a few injuries— I was worried about Izzy for a second there, but it looks like she just bruised her leg a bit.”

“Where is she?”

“Does she need a ride to the hospital or anything? How bad is it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing too serious, she just slipped. Obviously, I slipped a couple times too.” Gesturing at his foot, he forced an easy-sounding laugh. “She didn’t want to come to the door— she thinks she looks like a mess right now, which, you know, isn’t true at all, but she’s tired and not really dressed for visitors and all that— I think she just wants to go to bed. Again, so sorry to wake you, it’s been a crazy night, but we won’t be making any more noise. Promise. We’re just struggling with our kitchen, turns out we’re not the best with DIY stuff.” He gave a cheery smile.

Izzy appeared behind him, looking shy and tired. “Hi, so sorry for the noise. We’re going to bed now.” She yawned, putting her arms around Lotor. He tried to stop shaking so much for her benefit.

Izzy’s presence and lack of any visible injuries sent the neighbors on their way fairly quickly, and the two of them headed back in to get ready for bed.

“Goodnight,” Izzy said sleepily, giving Lotor a quick kiss. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“See you tomorrow.”

He assumed that meant he was still on the couch for the night. Oh, well— that might be better for now anyway.

After she had gone to bed, he spent about forty minutes removing all the glass shards and bandaging his cut foot and cheek. According to the internet, he should go to a doctor given that some pieces were deeply embedded and difficult to remove, but he couldn’t risk that— and besides, he was used to taking care of injuries on his own. It hurt like hell, but it would be fine soon enough, probably. Then he got to work cleaning up the floor, making absolutely sure no glass was left that Izzy could accidentally step on.

More than anything, Lotor felt a deep sense of shame for the way he’d treated her. She deserved someone better than him, someone who wasn’t completely useless and selfish.

Even though he told himself he shouldn’t be the one crying, he couldn’t help it.

——————————

The next morning, he woke up to find that Izzy had made breakfast, and he felt even more guilty.

“Thank you so much, but you didn’t have to,” he said, choosing his words carefully so as not to accidentally upset her. “I mean, I really appreciate it, but I didn’t mean to make you do that. I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you had to, but thank you. It’s wonderful. I would have done it, though— not that this isn’t really nice, and you’re a great cook, I just… You work so much,” he settled. “I hate to add to that. But really, thank you.”

She didn’t seem to find any fault with his reaction— though it was possible she was storing up anger for later; it wouldn’t be the first time. Still, at least for now things were okay. He was safe for the time being.

Over breakfast, she apologized for her behavior the previous night, saying she’d just had a difficult day and took it out on him.

It was fine. Again, he was used to that.

Lotor was braced for another outburst all day, but it never came. They cuddled together on the couch, and she braided his hair gently while they watched a movie and got up to bring more snacks and blankets. With a bandaid over his cheek, placed more to hide the wound than to protect it, they went out to dinner that evening, and she chose his favorite restaurant. As the two talked and laughed just like always, he found himself slowly relaxing. She was so sweet. She was so sorry. It had been a one-time thing.

That night, he was back in their bed.

It was there that they ran into the first problem of the day. At first, Izzy was practically all over him, and made it clear that she wanted sex.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t forgiven her. Of course he had. It was just that he was still a little shaken up from the previous night, and the idea of doing this right now made him inexplicably uncomfortable.

As soon as he asked her if they could maybe skip this for today, her mood shifted.

Passive aggression was an art for her. She made it clear she was upset, but refused to admit it aloud or talk about it at all, until she finally drove him to a point that in turn drove her to start yelling. Tonight followed the same old pattern.

“Izzy, I’m sorry.”

Silence.

“Please just talk to me.”

“I’m trying to go to sleep.”

“Look, I’m sorry… Hey, if you want me to eat you out or anything, that’s fine.” He blushed. “More than fine. I’m just not up for much else right now.”

“What, so you can pretend I’m Acxa or whoever? Or anyone but me?”

“Will you let that go?! You completely made that up, and now you’re acting like I actually cheated on you or something!”

“It’s not my fault I’m sensitive to some things,” she said in a small voice.

His heart dropped. “I know, Iz. I’m sorry. I understand why. I should know better.”

“You hang out with her all the time.” Her voice was choked with tears.

“I’m sorry.”

There was a pause.

“Why don’t you want me anymore?” she said finally.

“Iz, I do! Just… not tonight. I mean, not that I don’t love you tonight or something,” he corrected before she could say something to that effect, “I’m just not really up for much sex-wise. It’s just that my foot’s still kind of bothering me and—”

“Oh my god, how long are you going to throw that in my face for?”

“I’m not throwing it in your face! I’m not mad at you! I’m just tired, it was a stressful night for both of us.”

“Well, I was hoping tonight could be a better one, but I guess not…”

_Oh._

_Oh, shit._ He’d fucked everything up again.

“You’re right,” he conceded. “I’m sorry, I was being stupid. Hey, let me make it up to you? Come here.”

She finally turned back over to look at him, offering a faint smile, and he steeled his nerves. He just had to get through this. It was fine. It would be fun— it would be amazing. What was he complaining about?

Besides, he owed it to her.

——————————

Lotor was sure he had no right to feel as violated as he did.

He ignored it. Clearly, he was being stupid— all of Izzy’s little “joking” jabs at his intelligence seemed truer every day.

At least she was happy for the next couple of weeks, and therefore he was as well.

One morning, he woke up to her having sex with him. This was something they had never discussed, let alone agreed on, and his paranoid survival-driven brain was pretty uncomfortable with the idea of her doing something so intimate while he was unconscious, but he was too stunned to stop her— not that he probably would have anyway. That was an obvious bad idea.

He lived in constant fear of making her at all sad again— what if she really killed herself? Even seeing her cry during a particularly depressing movie one day was enough that he had to feign sickness to cover his resulting panic attack.

Things were okay, though. Things were good. She’d gotten into all sorts of art projects lately, and enlisted his help, which turned out to be more fun than he’d expected. She didn’t even yell at him when he made mistakes, just laughed it off. Often, she even seemed to like them.

Deep down, he knew Izzy was hurting him, but he also knew she didn’t mean any of it. She’d just been hurt too many times before. She didn’t know how to show love, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel it. It came through sometimes and he could see that she really did care about him— at least, most of the time.

Everything was bearable right now, anyway. Things were going as smoothly as they ever did anymore.

Lotor supposed that was all he could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadly based on way too many true events lmao (Izzy isn't entirely based on one specific person or anything, but a lot of the abuse is stuff I've either experienced firsthand or directly witnessed... also I made her more sympathetic than i originally meant to bc I have a lot of sympathy for my abusers oops). tbh I'm not even sure if writing this is more cathartic or triggering for me, but that's never stopped me before lol
> 
> anyway sorry for no generals yet but they'll be big in the next few chapters!
> 
> (this is a disaster isn’t it but hey so am I)


	2. Chapter 2

When he'd managed to get away to see his friends for the first time in weeks, Acxa nearly tackled Lotor in a hug, then pulled away, looking mildly pissed off. “Where have you _been_?”

“Sorry,” he said guiltily. “Izzy needs me kind of a lot lately, and—”

Her expression softened slightly. “What’s going on?”

Straight to the point, as always. “I, uh…”

“Come on.” She placed a hand on his arm with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Don’t make me drag it out of you. You know you’re going to say it eventually, just rip off the bandaid.”

“Well… I think she, uh, might be suicidal. And she’s definitely paranoid.”

“Oh. Has she seen a doctor about any of it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I… don’t think she realizes there’s a problem?”

“How can she be suicidal and not realize there’s a problem?”

“I don’t know! She’s confusing.”

Acxa peered curiously at him for a moment, as if his thoughts might scroll across his eyes in some neatly legible font, then appeared to give up. “We should head outside, the girls are waiting in the car.”

——————————

“Hey! Where’ve you been lately? Zethrid asked, pulling her girlfriend Ezor even closer to her so Lotor could slide into the backseat beside them.

“Sorry.” It felt like he was always apologizing. “Izzy’s just having a rough time.”

Ezor tilted her head, eyes meeting his. “Is she okay?”

He glanced away. “Yeah, just… stressed.” The others seemed to sense his discomfort, but being them, they didn’t drop the subject over it.

From the passenger seat, Narti turned around to sign, _Don’t tell me she’s not letting you see your friends._

“It’s not like that!” he said too quickly. “She just… worries. A lot. It isn’t her fault.”

“Worries about what?” Acxa said sharply.

“You know, normal stuff. Mostly cheating, I guess. Since you’re all women, I think sometimes she thinks—”

“Have you ever cheated on her?”

“Of course not!”

“So she’s being toxic and possessive, is what I’m hearing.” Acxa kept her eyes on the road, but continued her interrogation.

“No, she isn’t! Izzy’s a good person, she’s just scared. You know what her last boyfriend was like.”

“You’re not him.”

“Yeah, and she deserves someone who’ll treat her better than he did.”

“You deserve someone who treats you well too.”

“She does,” he said a bit too forcefully. “Look, can you stop interrogating me? I’m sorry I was busy for a few weeks, jeez.” It was frustrating being in a car with two people so eerily perceptive they often seemed like mind readers when there were major things going on that he didn’t want anyone knowing.

They drove in awkward silence for a minute.

“Hey, what happened to your face?” Ezor asked innocently.

Right, the cut from the glass incident was still there— well, he wasn’t sure if it counted as a cut or a scar or what at this point. It had been three weeks, and it was effectively healed, but still definitely noticeable and no longer covered by a bandage.

Lotor hadn’t expected anyone to comment; he didn’t think it looked serious at all so he assumed they would barely notice. Of course Ezor had had to ask— maybe out of curiosity, maybe just to break the tension in the car, but either way, now he didn’t have a convincing lie ready.

_What’s wrong with his face?_ Narti signed to Ezor and Zethrid, thankfully buying him a second to think.

“Oh, he’s just got, like, a little scratch there. Nothing big.”

“Yeah. It’s nothing, I just nicked myself shaving.”

He caught Acxa’s gaze in the rearview mirror for a moment, and could tell she was suspicious, but they all seemed satisfied enough with his answer to let it go for the time being.

“So how have you guys been?” He forced a casual cheerfulness into his voice. “What did I miss?”

Now resting her head on Zethrid’s shoulder, Ezor said, “Oh, not a ton. Don’t worry,” before the two launched into a funny story with less eagerness than usual. Lotor could tell they were pretending everything was normal for his sake, and he appreciated the effort, but they all seemed a little too sad and worried for it to be true.

Why couldn’t he stop disappointing people?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was pretty short oops but more coming soon


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acxa's POV this time.
> 
> Mainly a group chat between the generals.
> 
> Relatively lighthearted chapter, but lots more angst is coming up next.

Acxa was suspicious. She might not be certain of what was going on, but she intended to find out as soon as possible. Lotor had seemed so on edge yesterday, and things were clearly rocky in his relationship with Izzy. The main questions were how bad it had gotten, and how they could help.

She sent a group text to Narti, Zethrid, and Ezor but not Lotor, noting that the last messages in that conversation were from a couple of months ago. The five usually either texted each other one-on-one, as a whole group, or maybe three of them at once sometimes— it was rare to leave just one out, unless it was either for a surprise of some kind or they were worried about that person. Today was definitely the latter.

**Acxa:** so lotor is clearly not doing well. plan of action??

**Ezor:** yes he seemed so freaked out wtf

 **Ezor:** well if he won’t tell us we can go over there and see for ourselves i mean

**Acxa:** ez

 **Acxa:** if you’re suggesting we spy on them

**Ezor:** yes

**Acxa:** NO

**Ezor:** oh

**Acxa:** I know it’s tempting to see what’s up but dude we can’t like stalk our friend. he’s especially sensitive to that, you know his mom practically spies on him

**Ezor:** ok fair

 **Ezor:** sorry

**Acxa:** all good

 **Acxa:** just try to keep your ideas legal and all that

 **Acxa:** where are the rest of you??

**Narti:** Hi I’m here.

**Zethrid:** reporting for duty

**Acxa:** good. ok who has other ideas besides spying on him

**Ezor:** :(

**Acxa:** :)))

**Ezor:** :p

**Acxa:** put that tongue away and Focus

**Zethrid:** <3 hey ez

**Narti:** Can y’all please stop, this would be annoying even if it wasn’t making my text to speech read out the individual punctuation bits

 **Narti:** Zethrid I hope you know I’m hearing “less than three hey ez,” how romantic

 **Narti:** At least use an emoji instead why must you do this to me

**Ezor:** sad face

 **Ezor:** is it reading my sad face

**Narti:** I will pay you to stop.

**Ezor:** yay $$$

**Acxa:** guys FOCUS I think our friend is in an abusive relationship jfc

**Narti:** I’m trying to.

**Zethrid:** i’m sorry, we really are worried. we were just messing around

**Acxa:** I know. ideas?

**Ezor** named the conversation “the lotor protection squad”.

**Ezor:** internet says we need to talk and be there for him and shit

**Zethrid:** aw but i wanna kick her ass though

**Acxa:** whoa calm down, we aren’t even sure what the situation is yet. maybe we’re over-worrying. we just need to be sure what’s going on first, talking sounds like a good idea. should we try to do one-on-one or all together?

**Zethrid:** well if it’s one-on-one it can’t be me i’m not good at this stuff

**Ezor:** word same

**Narti:** I’m not sure any of us really know how to handle this, except maybe Acxa. Perhaps combined we will have enough brain cells to not screw it up horribly

**Acxa:** ok sure we’ll do it together then. we need to get him to hang out with us again, preferably soon. I’ll call.

Sighing, Acxa called Lotor.

He picked up after several seconds of ringing, sounding stressed out and mildly annoyed. _“Can you please learn to text?”_

“Sorry. I wanted your attention sooner rather than later.”

_“Look, I said I’m sorry! I’m allowed to be busy sometimes.”_

“Of course. As long as you aren’t—” she stopped before she could say something that would probably upset him.

_“Aren’t what?”_

“Nothing.”

_“What’s up?”_

“Um, we would really love it if you could come over for dinner tonight.”

_“I can’t tonight, I’m sorry.”_

“Why not?”

_“I— I have to make dinner.”_

He sounded so scared, and like he was choosing every word carefully. Was Izzy right over his shoulder listening?

“Okay, well… maybe tomorrow night? Zethrid just got a new job and we wanted to celebrate as a group. Don’t feel bad if you can’t make it, just let us know when you can.”

 _“Okay. Just a sec, sorry.”_ While she waited, Acxa could faintly hear him asking her in the background, and it annoyed her. Coordinating plans was one thing, but he shouldn’t have to get her _permission_ to see his friends. And to think she’d thought Izzy was sweet... _“Okay, I can do tomorrow evening around six, but I have to be home by nine.”_

“Okay,” she said with a calm she didn’t feel. “My apartment?”

_“Yeah, sounds good.”_

He sounded distracted.

“Great. See you then.”

**Axca:** god ok so he’s coming over tomorrow around six but he has to leave by nine?? I could hear him asking her for permission, like wtf dude she’s not your mother??? he also sounded like a mess tbh, I’m even more worried

**Ezor:** oooooooofffff

 **Ezor:** hey not to be rude but do you think it’s like

**Acxa:** whatever you’re about to say don’t

**Ezor:** a mommy issues kinda thing

**Acxa:** aaand you did

**Ezor:** i’m just saying my dude has some shitty parents and he feels way too guilty about them is all. if she’s acting like honerva he might be less inclined to leave her not more, bc he’s scared he’ll be responsible for ruining her life too or something

**Acxa:** you know what, shit you’re probably right

**Ezor:** star emoji

**Narti:** You typed the words star emoji

 **Narti:** I mean like thanks I guess but also why bro

**Zethrid:** so why is izzy doing this all of a sudden? this is new right?

**Narti:** Yeah it seems new, but who knows? Maybe it’s been building for a while and it’s just escalated or something.

**Ezor** named the conversation “dump her ass”.

**Ezor:** so now we riot

 **Ezor:** ?

**Acxa:** no.

 **Acxa:** now we talk to him tomorrow and voice our concerns and try to figure out the extent of what’s going on. bc I see a lot of red flags but we need to have more info before we do anything.

**Ezor:** fiiiiine

**Ezor** named the conversation “riot scheduled for thursday evening! bring ur friends!!”.

**Acxa** named the conversation “shut up ez”.

**Zethrid** named the conversation “we are getting revenge if it turns out she’s hurting him though fist emoji”.

**Narti:** Okay I appreciate the sentiment of y’all spelling out your emojis for me and stuff but why are you conversing by changing the name of the group chat?

**Ezor:** you know those old women in that myth who share one eye between them

**Acxa:** the fates?

**Ezor:** yeah we’re like that but with one braincell instead

**Acxa:** leave me out of this

**Zethrid:** happy to share a braincell with my beautiful gf

**Narti:** Sounds like communism

**Ezor** named the conversation “gay space communism”.

**Acxa:** sounds like y’all are off topic again. come meet at my apartment instead of texting so we can discuss things before tomorrow?

**Narti:** Okay

**Zethrid:** be there soon

**Ezor** named the conversation “the lotor protection squad”.

**Ezor:** back to its origins. let's do this

 **Ezor:** anyway on my way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh why am I doing this instead of finishing the 4 final papers/projects I have due in 30 hours


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content/trigger warning: the physical and sexual abuse both escalate further in this chapter, and while still not super graphic the latter is described in more detail than in earlier chapters.

Things were not getting better.

Lotor could tell Izzy was mad that he was going over to Acxa’s tomorrow. It almost made him want to cancel— he hated how he could feel their relationship crumbling more every day, hated knowing it was his fault he was losing the happiness he’d found with her.

At dinner, she stared down at her plate, avoiding his eyes. She gave the shortest possible answers every time he attempted to initiate conversation, and then fell silent again. Eventually, he gave up.

After clearing the table and washing the dishes, he entered the living room, approaching her hesitantly. “Izzy, listen, I’m really sorry. Do you want me to sleep on the couch again?”

Wrong thing to say, apparently.

“Well, if that’s what you want, then fine.”

“No, it’s not— I just— I—”

“Why are you even still here if you don’t want to be with me anymore? When you go tomorrow, you don’t have to come back.”

“Iz, I’m sorry! It’s not that I don’t care about you— I love you more than anything! Please don’t make me choose between them and you.”

“Because you can’t choose?”

“No! I mean… it’s different, they’re just my friends. I can have friends and a girlfriend.” He hesitated, conviction faltering. “Right?”

“Yes, obviously! What, do you think I’m some psycho who won’t let you interact with anyone but me?”

“Of course not! I just don’t— I mean— you seem upset—”

Izzy laughed harshly.

“And I just don’t want to stress you out or anything. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, don’t worry about _me_.”

“Iz, I love you. Please stop acting like I’m doing this to hurt you.”

“It doesn’t matter _why_ you’re doing it! You _are_ hurting me.”

The irony there was not lost on him— perhaps unfortunately. “Okay, you know what, fuck this. You’re really just gonna say that and not see the irony?”

“What?”

“Seriously?! You can’t possibly not realize that you’re hurting me too.”

“Self-defense is different.”

“Defense against what?! I haven’t done anything!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

Lotor got up from the couch. “Okay, you want me to leave? Fine.”

“No!” Scrambling to her feet, she grabbed his arm.

He yanked it away, stepping back quickly, then turning to run for the door. Darting through the hallway, he reached the front door with a slight head start. While he was rushing to put his shoes on, she rounded the last corner and dashed to block the door.

“Lotor. Stop.”

Getting to his feet, he faced her cautiously. “You want me gone, so let me go.”

“You’re acting crazy. You don’t want to leave over one stupid fight. I love you.”

She was right, of course. She was always right. “I love you too,” he conceded. “I— I just need to go for a walk. Clear my head. I’m not leaving, I promise.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, ‘no?’” You can’t just trap me in the house.”

“I’m not _trapping_ you here! Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Iz, I don’t want to fight, but you need to move.”

“So now you’re threatening me?!”

“No, I—”

“Stop acting like Will did and I’ll stop treating you like him.”

“Stop acting like my mother before I start having to go behind your back all the time too! If you want to be able to trust what I say to you, maybe don’t make me constantly afraid of your reactions to every little thing!”

“Oh, so you’re admitting that you go behind my back? You’re lying to me?”

“That’s not what I—”

“I feel sorry for her, you know,” Izzy snapped. “You’re always playing the victim, but don’t think for a second I buy the way you talk about her. She cares about you and all you do in return is go around telling everyone how terrible she is.”

_That’s it. I’m done._

Lotor turned around to head for the back door, an easier escape at this point.

Before he knew what had happened, she had grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back toward her with enough force to knock his head against the wall.

It was partly that she’d caught him off guard— not her fault he couldn’t keep his balance, he reminded himself as he slid down to the floor in a slightly dazed state.

_Wait. No._ This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t okay. _Right?_ Staggering to his feet with an uncharacteristic clumsiness, he reached for the doorknob and turned it, managing to squeeze past her and slip outside, making it halfway down the front steps before feeling her slam into him, pushing him the rest of the way down.

As he hit the ground, he felt a sharp pain and alarming crunching sensation in his elbow as he failed to catch himself. When he sat halfway up, facing Izzy, he saw the horror on her face, hand covering her mouth in shock. “Oh god— I’m so sorry— I didn’t mean to—” Her breath hitched sharply, and she started crying.

“It’s okay.” Lotor struggled to his feet, avoiding putting weight on the injured arm. “I’m okay. I know it was an accident, I’m not mad. It’s totally fine.” Gently, he guided her back inside, then paused to inspect his elbow. He could feel bruises and scrapes on the opposite side on his hip, leg, and face, but that arm was clearly the worst— it felt like something had been broken or dislocated. There was a large, dark bruise at the elbow, obviously more from the internal injury than any external impact.

He froze when Izzy reached out to touch him, but then relaxed marginally as she gently took the hand of his injured arm and began looking at the elbow. “Let me see.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing too bad. It might be a little bit dislocated.”

“We’re gonna fix this, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”

Her gentle affection seemed strange after all the fear and violence and running, but it wasn’t unwelcome. He practically melted into her touch as she hugged and kissed him carefully, then led him back to the couch and sat down beside him.

“I’m going to just look up what you’re supposed to do for this. Hang on.”

Lotor nodded.

“Okay, so, looks like it’s probably dislocated. It says to go to a doctor, but…” she trailed off, looking uncomfortable. “They’ll put it in a splint to keep it bent, and…”

“We don’t want people to worry,” he finished. He certainly didn’t want his friends questioning him about it tomorrow night, not when at least two of them were hard to lie to.

“Yeah.” She looked relieved that he understood.

“That’s okay. Can we fix it here?”

“Yeah. We can pop it back into place, but, um… it says that’s very painful. It says the doctor would give you painkillers for it, but… I mean... I have Advil and stuff, but I don’t think that’s gonna cut it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve done it before. Well, with a shoulder, but close enough. I can handle it.”

“Oh. Okay. Do you need something to like, bite down on?”

Lotor shrugged. “Might be good. Here, I can just use this.” He took off his belt. “Let me see the diagram or whatever?”

First he looked at the image on Izzy’s phone, then inspected his own elbow. “So, looks like if I just push here… Okay, here goes.” Placing the belt between his teeth, he braced himself for the pain.

It was excruciating, but nothing new. Black crept into the edges of his vision for a moment, and if he had been aware of anything besides the searing pain in his elbow he might have noticed himself swaying slightly and Izzy catching him, but he stubbornly maintained consciousness.

“All done?”

“Y-yeah,” he managed shakily. “Think so.”

“Good.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry that hurt so much.”

“It’s okay. No big deal.”

After running him through a few little tests to check nerve and artery function, courtesy of WebMD, she began cleaning up the scrapes and bruises on his face. “Should probably wear concealer tomorrow.”

“Definitely,” he agreed.

“I can help you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I know how to use it.”

——————————

The next morning, he woke up to Izzy giving him a blowjob. She was trying to make up for things, he was sure. That was nice, but for some reason he felt nauseous.

“Hey, Iz. G’morning.”

She caught his eye for a moment, continuing.

“Um, thank you, but I’m not feeling great right now— can we maybe not do this? Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just—”

She was ignoring him.

“I’m serious.”

She kept going.

“Izzy, get off me.”

She pulled back to respond, but kept her hand on him. “Soon, baby. Don’t worry.”

“No, _now_!”

“I’ll get you off later. If you’re nice.”

“That’s not what I said!”

Shrugging, she put her mouth on him again.

“Izzy, stop.” His voice shook with rising panic.

“Aw, I’ll stop teasing soon. You’re cute when you’re mad.”

“That’s not what I meant—”

“Then say what you mean.”

“I don’t want to do this right now, please—”

“Then don’t.”

“What do you mean? You’re not letting me—”

“If you don’t want an argument, don’t start one.”

“Izzy, please stop touching me…” His voice was weak and shaky and too easy to ignore. He hated that she hadn’t stopped this entire time, hated that he was rapidly becoming too panicked to resist, hated most of all that despite the fear and the tears welling up in his eyes he had to admit that physically, it felt good. His body was cooperating with her, not him.

That probably meant he should shut up about not wanting it, right?

So he did.

How had things gotten to this point? It was like she was another person when he was angry, someone he had never met and couldn’t trust— this wasn’t Izzy. It couldn’t be.

“Hey, let me try something.”

Lotor didn’t bother to respond. It wasn’t a question.

She sucked two fingers into her mouth for a moment, moved his legs apart, and then forced them inside him before he could even realize what she was doing.

Just like that. No working up to it, no actual lube, no encouraging him to relax.

It hurt.

Still, he didn’t protest as she moved her fingers inside him, even though the pain was bringing tears to his eyes. He tried to relax, but couldn’t; he was tense all over with anxiety. _It hurts it hurts it hurts—_

Suddenly, she pressed on something that felt good. His prostate, he guessed. He’d considered trying something like this before, but not— not like _this_. Not sudden and forced.

But again, his body was working with Izzy, somehow ignoring his discomfort.

He hated the fact that she made him come like that within minutes. He had thought he didn’t want this… but clearly it couldn’t have been too bad.

He felt faintly disgusting afterward, but tried to ignore it.

——————————

At precisely 6 pm that night, Lotor knocked on Acxa’s door with his good hand.

Ezor answered it. “Hey! Good to see you!”

“Hey, Ez.” He managed a smile.

“Come on in!”

He followed her inside, joining the others in the kitchen.

“Hey, Zeth! Congrats on the new job. What is it?”

Zethrid looked slightly guilty. “About that…”

Acxa stepped in. “I’m sorry, but we actually brought you here because we need to talk about something else.”

“Oh. What’s up? Is something wrong?”

She hesitated. “We’re worried something might be.”

_Oh._ He knew what they were undoubtedly getting at, but didn’t have the energy to argue this time.

“Maybe we should sit down. Feel free to grab some snacks first.”

“Thank you, but I’m not really hungry.” With the growing anxiety he felt at the prospect of talking about this, he didn't think he'd be able to eat anything without getting sick.

Ezor gathered an armful of chip bags, handing a couple to Narti and hoarding the rest. Zethrid got a tub of ice cream from the fridge. Acxa didn’t take anything, eyes trained on Lotor, studying him as they headed over to sit. Ezor and Zethrid— and Lotor, at everyone’s insistence— took the couch, Narti took a chair, and Acxa sat on the floor.

Acxa spoke first. “We’re concerned Izzy might be… not treating you well.”

It wasn’t her statement alone that made him start crying, it was just the combination of everything else that had happened in the past couple of days— and the past few months.

“Oh, shit.” Ezor hugged him, oblivious to the way he flinched at being touched. “Hey, we’re here for you. If she’s hurting you, you need to tell us, okay?”

“Ez,” Acxa said quietly. “He might not be comfortable with that right now.”

“With wh— ohhh, shit I’m so sorry!” She let go of him immediately.

“It’s okay.” He gave her a watery smile. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s just been a rough couple of days, and—”

“What happened to your arm?” Acxa asked suddenly.

Lotor froze for a second, but hid it quickly. “Nothing. What are you talking about?”

Not quick enough for Acxa. “Don’t ‘nothing’ me. I can see that you haven’t been putting any weight on your right arm today. What happened to it?”

“I— I fell down the stairs.” Close enough to the truth.

“Why would you hide that?” Narti signed _Acxa, slow down,_ at her, but she kept pressing for an answer. “Did she push you?”

“Acxa, I can’t do this right now.”

Her expression softened a little. “Can you come with me to the bathroom for a second? I just want to take a look at your arm and whatever’s under that concealer.”

_Shit._ Nothing got past her, did it? “Okay.” Staring at the floor in shame, he followed her to the bathroom and let her take the concealer off.

“What the fuck did she do to you?”

He looked in the mirror. It wasn’t anything severe, but there were a couple of bruises on his cheek and nose, and a scrape above his eyebrow.

“It was an accident.”

Sighing, she didn’t argue. “May I see your arm?”

“Yeah.” He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the injured elbow. The bruising around it hadn’t faded from yesterday— if anything, it looked worse.

“What happened here?”

“I, uh, kind of dislocated it a little bit when I fell.”

“Have you seen a doctor about it?”

“No.”

“Of course. Don’t know why I even asked.” She pressed a hand to her temples for a moment. “Okay, well, we’re taking you to the doctor after this conversation. First I want to be sure there aren’t further injuries you’re hiding.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m worried.”

They headed back out to rejoin the others. Ezor and Zethrid looked slightly horrified at the sight of his bruised face.

After she and Lotor had settled back into their seats, Acxa asked, “Can you tell us how you dislocated your arm… and everything else?”

Lotor sighed. “Izzy and I had a fight last night. You know she doesn’t like when I hang out with you guys… she gets jealous, I guess. And she said if I didn’t care about her anymore, I could leave, and even though I do care about her, a lot, eventually I was just like, fine, I will. So I tried to leave, but she blocked the door and um…” Should he mention her pulling his hair?

_Tell us what happened,_ Narti signed.

“We aren’t judging you,” Zethrid added. “We just need to know what’s going on.” She looked furious, and he felt guilty.

“Well, she said something like, she wouldn’t treat me like her ex if I didn’t act like him. And then I said she acted like my mother, and she said she feels sorry for her and—”

“Wow, guess abusers stick together,” Zethrid muttered.

“My parents didn’t,” he joked, but none of them laughed. They all looked kind of sad. “Uh, anyway… I tried to leave to go out the back door instead, but she grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back and I kinda hit my head against the wall— not too hard, it wasn’t anything serious,” he assured his friends at their worried expressions. “It just caught me off guard. And then I tried to run outside, but when I was about halfway down the front steps she accidentally pushed me.”

“Accidentally how?” They all looked skeptical, but Acxa was the first to say it.

“Well… I had my back to her so I don’t know for sure, but she looked so horrified after she did it that I know she couldn’t have done it on purpose. She was really nice after that, she took care of me and everything— she didn’t mean to.”

“Is that everything?”

“Yeah, we went to sleep pretty soon after that. After I popped the joint back into place and everything.”

“What about today?”

Lotor froze. They couldn’t find out about today. It was too humiliating.

“Something else happened, didn’t it.”

“No,” he replied too vehemently. “It was nothing.”

Narti tapped on her chair to get their attention. _I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we’re worried. Can you answer a few questions?_

He sighed. “Okay.”

_Was it physical?_

Lotor hesitated. “Well… sort of?”

_I’m guessing that means she didn’t hit you or anything._

“Yeah, no, she didn’t.”

Catching on somewhat grudgingly, Acxa stepped in as well. “Did she throw something at you, pull your hair again, grab your arm, push you again, or something like that? That’s still physical abuse.”

“No, it wasn’t— it wasn’t anything like that.”

_Was it something sexual?_

He felt a cold spike of anxiety run through him at that. “N-no.”

The two human lie detectors sitting across from him clearly weren’t buying that.

“Lotor, I know this is hard to talk about,” Acxa said. “But we need to know what happened. Did she… make you do anything sexually that you weren’t comfortable with?”

“Sort of?” he admitted after a brief pause.

“When you say ‘sort of…’”

“Well, I thought I didn’t want to, but… physically, it felt good. Kind of. Some of it.” He couldn’t meet any of their eyes.

“What I’m hearing is that you told her to stop doing something and she didn’t, and you’re excusing that because of a physiological response you couldn’t control.” That could have sounded accusatory in a certain tone, but Acxa was clearly concerned.

“I guess.”

“You don’t need to give us details, but just tell me, could you be injured in any way from what she did?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Are you in any pain from it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Can you promise me you’ll tell the doctor what happened?”

“Honestly? No.”

She sighed. “Well, at least you’re honest.”

There was silence in the room for what felt like a long moment.

“So are you going to break up with her?” Ezor asked.

“No! I don’t want to leave her.”

“But you can’t stay with her when she’s treating you like this!”

“It’s not her fault. She’s had a terrible life and she’s trying, okay? She’s not a bad person. This doesn’t happen that often, anyway.”

“Your life’s been pretty shitty too, and I don’t see you doing this to anyone,” Zethrid said. The others nodded.

“It’s not the same. She has it worse.”

“Does she really?” Acxa said quietly.

“I…” Closing his eyes for a moment, he could feel evidence of the pain she was causing him everywhere. In truth, Izzy had been hurting him for a long time, only now he was covered in physical manifestations of it. “I don’t know anymore.”


	5. Chapter 5

Despite Lotor’s protests that there wasn’t time— it was 7:15 already— the girls dragged him to the emergency room for his elbow.

He couldn’t stop checking the time while they treated the injury. By the time he got out, it was nearly 8:30, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, his arm was in a sling with a splint to keep the elbow bent. How would he hide that?

It wasn’t possible. He’d have to take it off before he got home, or she’d know not only that he’d seen a doctor, but that his friends knew what was going on.

In the car, he asked Acxa to drive him home now. Time was running out.

“Yeah, about that… no.”

“What?! I need to get home, I don’t have any more time!”

“You’re not going back to her right now.”

“You can’t just keep me from going home!”

She sighed. “No, we can’t. But I think you’re safer sleeping over with us tonight. Better than you taking the sling off your arm so it heals wrong and going home to probably let her assault you again.”

She knew him too well. “It wasn’t like that!”

“It wasn’t _like that_?! When she almost broke your fucking arm, that’s not assault? When she won’t let you go anywhere without permission, when she’s always jealous and suspicious and mad at you for no reason and she sides with your abusive mother, ‘it wasn’t like that?’” Narti tugged at Acxa’s sleeve, gesturing for her to stop, but she wouldn’t. “When she fucking _raped_ you, that w—”

“She didn’t! That was a misunderstanding.”

“Ignoring ‘no’ and ‘stop’ is not a goddamn misunderstanding.”

“Please just drive me home.” It was 8:45, and he could feel panic mounting at the prospect of being late— but not showing up at all would be even worse. Izzy knew where he was, and spending the night at Acxa’s probably meant the end of their relationship. Coming over at all had been bad enough.

Lotor’s throat constricted. He couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t happen, it couldn’t. “Listen, if you won’t drive me home, just let me out of the car. I’ll walk.”

“Please don’t,” Ezor said, looking unusually worried. “We want to help you. I know you’re scared, but we won’t let her hurt you.” Zethrid nodded.

“I’m not scared of _Izzy_ , I’m scared of losing her!”

 _Seems like you’re scared of both,_ Narti signed.

Lotor supposed he couldn’t really argue with that, but he could certainly make an effort. “Well, losing her scares me more! I know what she’s doing isn’t good, but she doesn’t mean to be this way.”

Acxa seemed to have calmed down a bit. “Lotor, while they were dealing with your arm, we talked about something.”

“Well, that isn’t ominous at all.”

“It’s nothing bad.” She hesitated. “Well. I mean, you might not like the idea, but… look, based on what you told us today and what we’ve seen going on for a while, we think you need to break up with Izzy.”

“What? No! I’m not leaving her!”

“Okay. Can you at least please stay with us tonight?”

“That’s the same thing. That’ll be the last straw for her.”

“You’re not safe there!”

“She’s not as bad as I make it sound. I was just focused on the bad parts because I was angry, but really, she’s a good person and she’s trying.”

“Good person or not, she hurt you pretty badly. And we have no reason to believe she won’t do it again.” Acxa put the car in park. “We’re here.”

Lotor remained frozen in his seat for a moment while the others got out, mind at war with itself. He was simultaneously desperate to go home and terrified of doing so. Loved her. Hated her. Hated himself. Hated his friends for doing this— but he loved them— but he felt like he couldn’t trust them right now.

That was hardly new. He’d learned a long time ago to never completely trust anyone.

At the feeling of a hand on his shoulder, he flinched away violently, instinctively readying to defend himself, until his brain registered a worried-looking Ezor staring back at him, hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Hey…” she said nervously, with the air of someone approaching a wounded but potentially dangerous animal. “Come on in, okay? We wanna help you. We aren’t trying to mess everything up, it’s just… kinda messed up already. And I’m sorry.” She held out a hand, and he took it, numb and shaking, letting her lead him in to Acxa’s apartment.

He glanced at his phone as Ezor closed the door behind them. It was 9:10. She was going to kill him. She was going to—

“Lotor?” Acxa pulled him aside to talk briefly while the others went to get some dinner ready.

“Yeah?” he snapped, not meeting her eyes.

“I know you’re mad right now, but you’ll thank me later.”

“I doubt it.”

Giving up, she dropped the subject. “Hey, I know you probably don’t want to talk about this—”

He laughed harshly. “You’re right, I don’t.”

Ignoring him, she continued, “But I have to ask: about the sexual assault…”

“It was a misunderstanding.”

Wearily, she conceded, if not without a tone of distaste. “The _misunderstanding_. Well, first of all, you didn’t tell them at the emergency room, did you?”

“No.”

“I figured. Are you still in pain?”

“Yeah.”

“Want an Advil or something?”

He shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you bleeding or anything?”

“Not anymore. I was earlier, after she— after, but it stopped.”

“Okay, so that’s not great, but at least it’s not bleeding anymore. Is there any chance you could be seriously injured?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“Okay. Good.” Acxa hesitated. “Lotor… has this happened before?”

“No. Today was different.”

She looked mildly suspicious. “To clarify, I don’t just mean whatever she specifically made you do this time. I mean any kind of sexual assault.”

“It wasn’t—”

“Lotor!” she said insistently. “How many times has she made you do something sexual when you didn’t want to?”

“It’s not like that. She doesn’t _make_ me, I could stop her if I tried.”

“Does she pressure you after you’ve said no?”

“I mean, I know it isn’t intentional, she just gets insecure and—”

“Has she ever not stopped when you asked her to?”

His silence was answer enough.

“Right. Okay.” Acxa sighed heavily, fingertips pressed to her forehead in frustration. “Okay, so you know— you know that isn’t _okay_ , right?”

“It’s not— you don’t understand.”

“I’m not sure _you_ understand.”

“You don’t know her like I do!”

“Maybe that’s why I can see what’s happening more clearly.”

“No,” he said fiercely. “You think you know what’s going on, but you don’t.”

Just as Acxa was beginning to respond, Lotor’s phone rang. “Sorry, I have to take this.” Before she could try to stop him, he ducked out into the hallway.

He already knew who it was by the ringtone, not to mention the timing.

_“Where are you?”_

“I’m on my way home. I’m sorry, there’s traffic.”

_“Then you should have left earlier.”_

“I know. I’m sorry.”

_“How far away are you?”_

Acxa wouldn’t drive him, and walking would take too long… if he got an Uber he could be there in fifteen, maybe.

“About fifteen minutes.”

_“It’s 9:30 already.”_

“I know. I’m really sorry.”

_“It’s fine. Just get home.”_

“Okay, see you soon. Love you.”

She hung up, and he exhaled in relief. She seemed to be in a decent mood today.

Taking the stairs so his friends wouldn’t hear the elevator opening, Lotor slipped outside quietly, not texting to let them know he’d left until he was already in the car.

He had the driver drop him a block away from the house so he could remove the splint and bandaging from his arm, then approached the door quietly. It was important that she didn’t think he’d walked home, which would give her more reason to dislike his friends. She needed to assume they’d already driven off.

Izzy answered the door in her pajamas, looking only mildly annoyed. “Hey.”

“Hey. Sorry about that, I just—”

She waved a hand. “It’s fine. Come on in, it’s cold.”

Lotor felt a stab of guilt as he followed her inside. He’d been acting like he was afraid of her, like she treated him badly, and here she was being perfectly reasonable and kind. She’d just been having a rough time lately, it wasn’t about him, and he shouldn’t be taking it so personally. Izzy had helped him when he was at his lowest point, and he at least owed her the same in return.

The night passed surprisingly uneventfully. They watched TV, ate some snacks, and went to bed. He could feel her sadness the entire time, but that was it.

——————————

The next morning, he was awakened roughly as Izzy yanked him out of bed by his bad arm. “Care to explain?”

“Wha…” It took him a moment to register everything, to focus on the phone she was brandishing at him, but then he realized it was his, open to the group chat with his friends. She tossed it at him and he caught it, looking at what had her so angry.

First was something innocent enough, something easily passed off as “they were too busy to drive me and I didn’t want you to worry:”

 **Lotor:** i’m going home now sorry

**Acxa:** you are not walking alone in this cold young man

**Lotor:** it’s fine i got an uber

**Acxa:** well that’s good at least

That was the last he had seen. Below that was a string of worried messages, beginning with:

**Zethrid:** text us when u get home

And an hour later:

**Ezor:** are you ok??

**Acxa:** pick up your goddamn phone I am WORRIED

**Narti:** Lotor, did something happen?

**Acxa:** also I assume you took the stuff off your arm why are you like this

 **Acxa:** like I love you man but please. Get help

Another couple of hours after that:

**Zethrid:** dude r u fucking dead??? i hope u just aren’t checking ur phone rn but so u know we’re all v concerned

**Ezor:** i am calling the cops if u don’t pick up!!

**Acxa:** ez NO jfc

 **Acxa:** ignore her

 **Acxa:** for now anyway. If we don’t get a text tomorrow we will be finding out what’s up if we have to come over there ourselves.

His heart rate had skyrocketed in the minute or so since she’d woken him up. But if he was good at anything, it was lying. He could save this.

“I told them I’m feeling suicidal again. That’s why they’re freaking out.”

For a second, she looked worried. Then her face settled into a glare again. “So what about your arm?”

_What’s something that would reasonably go on an arm, that I could remove fairly easily, that won’t piss her off?_

“Oh, that.” He forced a laugh, buying himself time to think. “She was just joking around— exaggerating— it was, uh, we did— we were bored, and she drew on my arm for a while and she told me not to get rid of her art yet. I mean, I took pictures, but—”

“Show me.”

“Oh, I mean— they’re on Ezor’s phone. I don’t have them.”

“How convenient.”

_I can’t do this anymore._

_Fuck it._

“‘How convenient?!’ Are you even listening to yourself? Iz, this isn’t a fucking interrogation, I was at my friend’s house for the three hours you permitted me, and what we talk about is not your business! You shouldn’t be going through my phone anyway!”

“Because you have something to hide?!”

“I wouldn’t need to hide from you if you weren’t fucking terrifying every time something doesn’t go your way!”

“ _Doesn’t go my way?!_ Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?”

“Yes! And I _care_ , and you act like I don’t so you can have someone to yell at! Meanwhile, you don’t care what _I’ve_ been through, or what you’re doing to me, and every time I try to talk about how I feel it turns into a pity party for _you_! I _know_ you’ve been through hell, the problem is that you think that means no one else has. That no one’s ever allowed to have their own problems, let alone criticize you in the slightest. I know your ex was a piece of shit and you deserve a million times better than him, but you don’t have the right to take it out on me. I mean, I’ve told you what my parents were like, and you don’t see me doing the same fucking thing—”

Her fist collided with his nose.

Dazed, Lotor sat there for a moment, processing, as pain blossomed in the middle of his face. He brought a hand up to touch it, and his fingers came away bloody.

She’d hit him.

Just like _him_. Just like _her_.

This, somehow, was where he drew the line. He didn’t need a second Zarkon, a second Honerva. He’d let her get away with so much, but this was the final straw.

“Okay,” he said finally. “I guess that’s clear enough.”

Izzy looked horrified. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

Looking up at her, Lotor felt a final pang of twisted sympathy, because he knew her too well. He knew that despite everything, she meant it. She really was sorry.

He also knew that didn’t matter anymore.

——————————

**Lotor:** hey i’m coming over if that’s cool

**Acxa:** oh THANK GOD you’re ALIVE

**Lotor:** dramatic

**Acxa:** shut up you nerd we thought something terrible happened

 **Acxa:** I love you, you dumbass. Don’t scare me like that again.

Lotor showed up at Acxa’s to find Ezor, Zethrid, and Narti already there with her. Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid all looked horrified when he walked in, and after Acxa whispered something to Narti, she did too.

“I’m done with her,” he said weakly. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Oh, thank god. Finally.” Ezor ran over to hug him. “Come in! Sit down! I’m so glad you finally— wait, did you break up with her yet?”

“Yeah.” Reality was beginning to set in, though. “I still don’t know what’s going to happen with the house. With stuff we bought together. And god, why did I let her talk me into a joint bank account…”

“You’ll get all your stuff back. Promise.”

Zethrid nodded.

 _She’s right. We’ll figure it out,_ Narti signed.

There was silence for a moment, but it wasn’t awkward. The room was wrapped around them like a safe cocoon, the few people close to Lotor who he’d never had to be afraid of gathered to protect him.

“First things first,” Acxa said briskly, getting to her feet. “Doctor. Now.”

He should have seen that coming a mile away. “Okay, _fine_.”

——————————

About an hour later, Lotor walked out with his arm in a sling again and the broken nose treated, to find Acxa waiting in the car with two ice cream cones, licking alternately at each one to stop them from dripping everywhere.

“Hey.”

“Oh, finally.” She shoved one of the cones at him as he got in. “Here. Take this off my hands.”

He couldn’t help but smile as he accepted it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Gruff as ever, she started the car, but he could see her faint smile. Perhaps Acxa had never been especially polite, or sociable, or conscious of when to keep a thought to herself, but she had always been unquestionably in his corner. She was fiercely loyal to her friends— and sweet in her own way, he thought, returning his attention to the ice cream in his hand. His favorite flavor.

“I know,” she said calmly, as if reading his thoughts. “That’s why I got it.”

It was particularly odd to know two people, Acxa and Narti, who seemed like mind readers half the time but _didn’t_ frighten him. He was used to the sort of people he couldn’t lie to being terrifying and potentially dangerous, not on his side, but he couldn’t deny it was a nice change.

He still felt a bit guilty thinking of Izzy that way— it wasn't fair to lump her in with his parents, right?

Okay, a _lot_ guilty.

“I can’t do this,” he said suddenly. “I should go home.”

_“What?”_

“I can’t leave Iz when she’s like this. She needs me. Fuck, I can’t believe I walked out on her like that, what if—”

“Listen. I know your shitty girlfriend— ex-girlfriend now, thank god— has had a shitty life. That’s not an excuse for the way she treats you.”

“Acxa, she might _die_. She’s fragile. She can barely handle anything without a breakdown of some kind. She needs someone to be there, to help her...”

“Well, she can find sympathy from someone who she doesn’t beat up.” She gave him a stern look. “Look, I know she’s a mess. That doesn’t mean it’s _your_ job to fix it. Stop worrying about saving someone who hurts you and start figuring out how to save yourself.”

——————————

They returned to Acxa’s apartment, where the other three were waiting somewhat impatiently for them.

“Hey, Narti and Zeth made food!” Ezor announced as soon as they had stepped inside. “Want some?”

“Sure.”

The three of them got up to get plates, and as soon as they were gone, Acxa moved closer to him for a moment, looking worried. “Lotor… I’m glad you finally see that she’s hurting you. But I’m afraid this won’t be the end of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is a pattern.” At his confused expression, she elaborated. “Remember how Kristen treated you? Or Emily? Or Claire? The only reason things ended before they escalated like this is because _they_ broke up with _you_. You just keep running back to people who don’t really care about you, who don’t treat you well, and who’re just repeating what your parents did to you. It hurts to see you like this. You’re my best friend, and I’m sick of you letting people turn you into a doormat.”

“I’m not a doormat,” he said half-heartedly.

“I’m not trying to insult you. But you do have a habit of letting your girlfriends get away with treating you like garbage.”

“I mean, what am I supposed to do? I’m not going to hurt them.”

“Break up with them, like you finally did this time. And for the next time, learn what red flags are, and how to run away from instead of toward them.”

“I don’t…” he trailed off. “Okay, you’re right. Maybe I’m a bit of a masochist, huh?”

“No, you don’t _like_ pain, you just feel like you deserve it.”

“I guess.”

“Please go to therapy.”

Lotor sighed. “Okay, _maybe_.”

Acxa finally smiled. “Well, that’s a start.” She scooted into her favorite spot on the floor, he sat on the couch, and a minute or so later, the rest of their friends came back in with food. Zethrid handed him a plate, and Ezor gave one to Acxa.

“I’ll get drinks,” Acxa said quickly, getting up, and Ezor, never able to sit still, went with her. Narti headed off in a different direction, returning with an armful of blankets.

When they had all settled in, Ezor suggested a movie, and they argued good-naturedly over what to watch.

For the first time in a long while, Lotor felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was Izzy’s house originally, and he knew she would be keeping it. He knew she had probably already taken nearly everything out of their bank account so he couldn’t access it. He knew even going back to get his stuff would be a nightmare. And yet still, he felt safe at last. None of that seemed to matter.

She had the house, but he’d rather sleep outside than go back.

And he wouldn’t even have to do that. After all, any of his friends would let him stay at their place for however long he needed it.


End file.
